THE MALE VERSION OF ENGLISH VINGLISH-PART 1

A thought came to my mind after watching the hugely successful ENGLISH VINGLISH that had SRIDEVI in it and was directed by GAURI SHINDE.

What if a male version of the story was created .....how would it go.

The protagonist would be a middle aged man with a beautiful, intelligent,successful (read DOMINATING) wife and a cute, naughty and witty child (read most popular kid at school). This man would be the BETA in the triangle with the ALPHA wife and kid.

Now Mr.Dad would wear a suit and tie and go to office every day, he is 40+ with little belly fat and absolutely no excitement in his life. Unfortunately he doesnt even know how to make LADDOS like Sridevi in English Vinglish.

But the man has a hidden talent, no he is not a singer/rockstar like a FARHAN AKHTAR in Rock on, then what is this magic potion which will bring the HALLELUJAH moment in the life of this man.

a)      Will he turn out to be cape crusader like BATMAN or SUPERMAN

b)      Will he be a sports success like SRK in Chak De

c)      Will the prettiest woman in the City/Country turn out to be an ex girlfriend

d)     Will it be something which is .....................................................................

To be Contd..............

BOMBAY TALKIES -THE SCRIPTWRITER’S PARADISE

BOMBAY TALKIES -THE SCRIPTWRITER’S PARADISE

The 4 short stories directed by 4 directors are different, at times difficult to digest or difficult to understand. They take you on 4 different journeys, whether you want to go or not is up to you, but these stories and the characters are moving and will reach their destination which may or may not be the cinema goer’s direction.

KARAN JOHAR- He has rocked the boat, the man is a champion for a cause dear to his heart, but all said and done it is his finest work till date, he shows a range which people don’t think that he is capable of. The scene where a little beggar girl is singing LAG JAA GALE at the local train station boasts of cinematic brilliance. Rani looks out of this world. Gale me mangalsutra aur aankhon mein kamasutra is one of the outstanding dialogues.

DIBAKAR BANERJEE- This is more of Nawazuddin Siddiqui showing his brilliance at acting. The scene where Sadashiv Amrapurkar makes a cameo after such a long time is a delight to watch. Overall this is your typical art-house powerhouse cinema.

ZOYA AKHTAR- Take a bow the script writer, where a young boy whose father wants him to be a footballer, has different aspirations, he wants to be a dancer and not any dancer, he wants to be SHEILA - Katrina Kaif from Sheila ki jawani.

ANURAAG KASHYAP- Bachchan and the Bollywood stars are human but life is the superstar which behaves strangely is the motto here. Passable, a lot was expected from him but this is ordinary fare from Anuraag.

All in all this is a movie for an actual cinema lover and not someone who is looking for an alternative to IPL or Television serials this weekend or an outing with family.

WEEKEND POOJA AT HOME (PART 2) -The Guests Have Arrived

WEEKEND POOJA AT HOME (PART 2) -The Guests Have Arrived

The comedy of errors started when I got up at 7 AM on the day of the POOJA, as compared to the sharp 6 AM that I get up every morning. On realising that the guests would be arriving at 8 AM and I have just 55 minutes to save myself from the ire of wifey, who as luck would have it got up at 6 AM (compared to the 7 AM that she gets up every day) and was making tea, I ran to the bathroom as if my life depended on it.

Thank god I did not mix up the Shaving Gel with the toothpaste else it literally would have left a bad taste in my mouth. After 25 minutes, the holy trinity of BRUSH, SHAVE and SHOWER was behind me as I emerged from the bathroom like a fine steed out of a stable.

The bell rang and I was ready, just like I had been ready for C.B.S.E, D.U and I.C.A.I. The guests started coming in and took their seats on the mattress which was spread across the floor of the living room. This was going to be a Religious marathon of 60 minutes and we had spiritual sprinters, runners and marathoners spread across the living room.

On your mark GET, SET and MEDITATE…………………………………………………………………………………………….

60 minutes passed and the mattress breathed a sigh of relief, as slowly the guests started moving towards the dining area. The first half of the POOJA PARTY was over and now it was time to PARTY (for the guests that is), the HOSTS (Me and Wifey) were supposed to serve the marathoners with GOLD, SILVER and BRONZE medals (from yesterday’s post). The ALOO POORI, BREAD ROLLS and SANDWICHES were out in full glory. The HALWA (I like it well done) was passed around with a lot of fervour and gaiety. The cut mangoes and melons were given a cold treatment (in the presence of the HALWA) and were sent back to the refrigerator.

The living and dining area was full with laughter as if India had defended the cricket world cup. No person, subject or materialistic thing was spared (pitfalls of heavy eating on a Sunday). However my mind was fixed elsewhere as I desperately wanted to be in the company of the one I adored –THE SUNDAY NEWSPAPER, but I knew that we (paper and I) would only be united with the evening cup of Tea (unlike the morning tea with newspaper drill).

After the BRUNCH (no not the HT BRUNCH, I was already missing VIR SANGHVI's column) and the chatter, it was time to say AU REVOIR, HASTA LA VISTA or the good old NAMASTE. The back was aching but the face was smiling, I wished if somebody seriously patted (and massaged) my back. As I crashed on the bed, my mind seemed to wonder...................... what will be in store for the NEXT WEEKEND.

Weekend Pooja at Home

Weekend Pooja at Home

The day I decided to have a Pooja and Path at home, I zeroed in on a Sunday Morning (Sunday being the best day of the week and morning being the most tranquil time of the day).

But as soon as I discussed the matter with my PRINCIPAL ADVISOR (read as wifey) some very important observations and areas of focus were highlighted to me

1. The guest List

2. The food list

3. Duration of Pooja

The meditation /prayer turned into a small party for which people were to be invited and an elaborate menu was to be fixed.

Inviting A, B and C and not inviting D, E and F was as dangerous as having a dialogue with Chinese Army on the Arunachal Border, hence the guest list which was prepared (hold your breath) at the time of my wedding was taken out to see who fits in the POOJA PARTY scene. After hours of deliberation a carefully prepared draft was finalised and the sealed envelope was handed over to the MASTER OF CEREMONY for people to be invited.

The second task was to finalise the FOOD MENU. Some proposals that were shared by the panellist were about the variety

-How about two starters and one main course with one dessert

-Or three starters and two desserts

The usual suspects fighting for the breakfast slots were Cucumber and Tomato sandwiches, piping hot Bread Rolls filled with Onion and potato filling accompanied by mint chutney, the heavyweight Puri Aloo was also making a strong pitch. No prize for guessing the Gold, silver and bronze were awarded to these three in reverse order of mention. The battle of desserts never started as no sweet dish turned up against the all mighty HALWA.

Having completed the guest list and the food menu the third and the final task was to decide on the duration of the PATH, so the guests also get time to socialize with each other after the pooja. A 60 minute slot was awarded to the POOJA, as I was told that people would not be able to sit cross legged on the mattress on the floor for more than an hour.

I guess will now have one PATH in the morning and one in the evening-all alone, to thank the lord that all went well in the morning at the POOJA PARTY.

COMEDY WRITING WORKSHOP AT THE INDIA HABITAT CENTRE

COMEDY WRITING WORKSHOP AT THE INDIA HABITAT CENTRE

Day 1 of the Comedy writing workshop and the mixed audience were regaled by our Faculty who also happens to be a well-known Stand-up comic.

The idea was to understand the basic essence of comic writing and character building. Some of the points that were covered were

-Satire eg. Jaane Bhi do Yaaron

-Believable Characters eg. Khosla Ka Ghosla and When Harry Met Sally

-Situations eg. Most of the sitcoms

The task for the 15 people assembled there was to create a situation in 4 lines with the following framework

a)      SETTING b) CHARACTER c) WANT d) CONFLICT

Out of the 15 some of the entries which generated a lot of laughter are as follows

1.      a) Setting- A plane has crashed in middle of Africa

b) Character-A middle age potbellied African man

c) Want/Statement-Do you think we ate them all

d) Conflict/Statement-I think Nigeria will need another football team

 

2.      a) Setting- Wharton ,University of Pennsylvania

b) Character-An 18 year old Indian Student Rahul has landed there after finishing his school

c) Want/Statement-I want to get laid

d) Conflict/Statement-But today is Tuesday

 

3.      a) Setting- A coffee outlet in Delhi

b) Character-A middle aged Sikh Gentleman

c) Want/Statement-Sir your order will take time, I will call you, can I have your name?

d )Conflict/Statement-Anthony Gonzalves

 

The person who had created the scenario had to keep quiet and the other participants had to interpret these and there were so many different versions for a single scenario.

Day 2 awaits the enactment of these scenarios with resolutions to the conflicts.

Writing English Comedy for Indian Audiences

I am going to attend a Comedy Writing workshop at the India Habitat Centre, next weekend. The subject of the two day workshop is Writing English Comedy for Indian Audiences. The various areas that this workshop will cover are a) Film b) TV c) Plays and d) Stand-up, basically writing a funny script for these mediums.

The faculty will be a Gentleman by the name of ANUVAB PAL who is an acclaimed playwright, screenwriter, novelist and stand-up. He is the writer of the smash hit Mumbai plays - The President Is Coming, 1 888 Dial India, Chaos Theory and his latest that's packing houses, The Bureaucrat. His films include the cult classics The President Is Coming and Loins Of Punjab Presents.

Although the session is a week away, my mind seems to wonder what kind of people enrol for such workshops, is it

-          People with published works

-          People who treat it as a hobby

-          People who want to be in the Media/limelight

-          Explorers who just want to hear like-minded people

The second question that comes to my mind is that how can a script which is suited for television be adapted for film, or something which is a hit on stand up, can be made effective for a sitcom.

Humour is a relative term, what is humorous to some can be offensive to others, how to find your target audience, how to ensure that they remain your target audience throughout the script and do not change ship by the end of it.

How do freelance writers and bloggers who like doing things at their own leisure adapt to the timelines of writing for TV or Film and adjust to a persona of the TV stars and Film Stars.

I guess all these questions can be answered once I attend this workshop, and if they are not answered then hell what it’s only some cash that goes down the drain, anyways all of us are used to losing cash with the volatile stock markets.

The Journey for Food

Food can be

- An aphrodisiac for some people

- It can be a source of inspiration for some

- It can be like a drug where the absence hurts and the presence is considered to be normal

- But for some (and I am a part of this club) it can be a joy like no other, like climbing Everest for    Tenzing Norgay, winning the world cup for Kapil Dev, writing an exam for a studious lad, washing the car for a parsi gentleman and so on and so forth.

This journey for something you love -and in this case its FOOD, is like a pilgrimage, where the temple is the eating joint and the HALWAI/KHANSAMA/CHEF is your god. The wallet with the Credit Cards and cash is the offering and the plate of your favourite delicacy is like the PARSHAD.

-Whether it is mouth-watering Gulab Jamuns and Imartis at the local halwai shop (please admit that it is much better than most of the branded shops) or a smoking pasta/pizza at a wannabe Italian Joint or paranthas (after 12PM read as midnight) at a Dhaba with dollops of butter, they all have the capability to take you away from your daily grind and transform you into a modern day maharaja/rani sahiba.

The journey is divided into two parts, the first part is the exploration of these great places of worship and the second is the unwavering devotion once you have found your temple. So I hope that this weekend you find your temple of worship and you spend a lot of time there- MEDITATING.